R.I.P.I.T.S.U.B

Last night I did not have a pleasent night, at least not at the point where I discovered the HUGE spider walking around on my bathrobe. I try to kill it - it escapes. Great, there goes my sleep tonight, I thought, and prepared to go sleep in the livingroom, on a sofa of sticky material (don't know the word, I think it's made of animals, and it's glissy) until I realized just how silly that would be. So I start looking for this ugly big bastard hiding somewhere between all the mess on my floor (and I can promise you, when I say "all the mess" that is to try to inform that that is indeed MUCH!). I pick up one clothing, shake it, put it in the passage, and do it with the next. Early in the process I see the spider, so I shake it just a bit harder. It disappears til god-knows-where, and my searching for it gets faster and more stressed up, for all I know it's in my hair with a she-spider (assuming my friend Eddy here is a male) producing small and disgusting baby-spiders. I look, I look, can't find it. WHERE THE HELL IS THE BASTARD!? In the stressful and very tensed panic I notice something that is tickling on my legs. I shake the leg a bit. I look down, and what do I see? Yes, exactly, a big, black klump with six legs crawling further and further up my body. Further and further, closer and closer upwards. I give a little scream and try to shake it off, after a massive shake of my foot I look down, half in panic, my eyes goes front and back. Is it there still? It doesn't seem like it, I can breathe again.

At least that's what I thought before the tickling come back 1o seconds later. I look down, and yes, Eddie is still mounting me (haha). And this is the point where I am glad noone was watching me, I start jumping around like an idiot, hitting the pants with my hands, shaking the leg like Elvis on drugs. Much, much more than I needed too. Eddie was probably long gone already with the first panic-filled shaking. Just to be sure I take of my pants after, and continue the spiderhunt in my underwear. Now I can't find it at all. I have to lift up every clothing and other objects that might have a nasty spider underneath, and after some minutes with careful searching for him, I find him. He tries to escape my evil look, he knows what's coming. He know he's messing with the wrong bitch, he knows he should not have mounted me.

He knew that this was where his life would end, that he'd get killed in my deathgrip between thick layers of toiletpaper. He knew that I'd squeeze him to death, and if he didn't die, he'd have to live with the horrible pains til I'd eventually throw him in the toilet, and give him the same destiny as the food we eat, and what we drink.

R.I.P.I.T.S.U.B

Rest in peace in the sewage, ugly bastard.