The Evolution of Smileys: The Golden Rule of the Mouths

Once upon a time, early in the history of internet, there were two smileys. One happy one, :-) , and one sad one :-(. Theoretically there were four, since well, they existed with and without noses, but lets say that the one without noses simply had a genetic error. Can you all imagine a life in which two simple smileys, and two handicapped versions of these simple smileys, were all you needed? 

Today I can not and will not count the amount of smileys out there, but I am guessing millions. People tap randomly on their keyboard, and voila, a new smiley. Happiness and sadness are not longer enough, now it's of course hornyness, depression, hunger, tiredness, ultra sad, and super happy, cat face, frog face, angry, and I could go on the whole night but I will not. Sometimes you really profit from my laziness, readers. Let me hear a hallelujah!

A problem that developed over the years is the overuse of smileys. When "xD" first appeared I know that I found it awesome, and used it... let's say 'quite often'. And of course you use it when something is funny, so, for some people, maybe very many, maybe way too many, the "xD" is almost a signature. They feel that the sentence is not complete without one. So what happened, ladies and gentlemen. The smiley is completely overused, the effect is not the same as it once was. When it first appeared, and someone used it, it implied that something was oh, so funny. "OMG that's so awesome I peed a little!" Now it's just used randomly. "I bought a bike yesterday xD." or " I'm going to eat xD". Unless you have a very twisted sense of humour, you did not find that mentionable funny, indeed I hope not funny at all, cause that would tell me that you as followers only read my blog because your, and therefore also my humour is... let's say less good. Back to the point: If "xD" is the smiley used to imply that something is funny, and this effect is dead, what then? Is the world going under? Nah, let's just give him big eyes! "XD" should do, no? Ok, so now the effect of the big eyes don't work either, what the fuck do we do now? The Golden Rule of the Mouths, readers. It's like an unwritten rule, that I will now do you all the favour of writing down. I know, I'm such a giver. "When the writer would like to express happiness, sadness or that (s)he is amused, and belonging smiley does not show the mood strong enough, the writer should add extra mouths on the smiley". For those of you being unaware of this rule, I will explain it to you in detail, using examples that might just as well occur in the real life.

Friend: My dog just died. 
You: :(

(dear readers, it's me, Trolldis. You can see here, that the ":(" simply ain't sad enough. Do you remember the Golden Rule of the Mouths? Let's try again)

Friend: My dog just died
You: :((((((

(pst, it's me again, readers. As you can see, the second example is hellofalot sadder, and in the smiley world this is not looking like very many chins, it does look like a damn sad sad face. Let's use another example)

Friend: My dildo just fell in my mother-in-laws head when she was opening the cabinet
You: xD

(small comment. As you can see, this is a situation where a simple "xD" simply is unfair for the humour of the situation. If you are as me, you will probably all lie on the floor twisting in laughter, and how does a "xD" show this? In no way, readers, it's a shame for the world of humour. Let's try again)

Friend: My dildo just fell in my mother-in-laws head when she was opening the cabinet
You: xDDDDDDDDDDD


As you see, the second examples, both given more mouths, serve the mood of the situation better. Imagine how insulted the friend will be if their dog died, and you don't even bother to make a damn sad smiley, just a sad one. Did you even consider that? You are a cold, cold person. Actually, why is a sad smiley called a smiley? I hereby rename it: Sadley. Where was I? Ah, right, conclusion. I hope very much that I have been solving alot of your problems within this blog post, and the next time you find something damn funny, or your friend's dog dies, you know what to do. The Golden Rule of the Mouths.

Next blog in these series: The Evolution of Smileys: The Inevitable Companion.
Publishing date: Unknown.
Starring: Smiley, Sadley and friends.

Good evening, all! :)