A duck as an ass

As you might know from before I'm a bit of a slave when it comes to Nichtlustig. Today I decided to post some nice lil' stripes from this "series" that I adore so much. So for the people that prefer to sit in front of a pc screen and read blogs instead of being in the sun, getting sunburnt and suffer for hours and hours in incredible pain, this is for you! Two stripes with german humor, lovely :)

First:

And something completely different, yet still funny.

(http://www.notfunnycartoons.com & http://www.nichtlustig.de)

Enjoy! :-)

Picture of the day

A lil' taste of Germany!

Because it's beautiful :)

All creds to the photographer Alph!  Check out his other great stuff on Flickr.

Trolldis and Tourists: INVASION!

I believe that I was a victim of touristinvasion yesterday. Let's see if dictionary.com agrees with the definition.

in-va-sion  /ɪnˈveɪʒən/ [in-vey-zhuhn]

–noun

1. an act or instance of invading or entering as an enemy, esp. by an army.
2. the entrance or advent of anything troublesome or harmful, as disease.
3. entrance as if to take possession or overrun: the annual invasion of the resort by tourists.
4. infringement by intrusion.

Yes, your eyes are reading correct - even the word definition contains the word "tourists". I no longer hesitate over the definition to put over what happened to me. It was an invasion - I did indeed get invaded - the small, calm and silent office I work in suddenly turned into a battlefield! Maybe they are even playing with me, or maybe they look at this office as a great way to carry out some weird project - get answers to some questions they always wanter answers to; type "how many manly, half chubby 30 year old German tourists can fit in a tiny ass tourist office in a deserted place in western Norway?" or perhaps "How many Dutchmen does it take to turn a Norwegian touristinformationlady crazy?". I should have realized it before; it has to be one reason why this place drags tourists!

So here's the deal. Yesterday from 09.00-14.00. As good as noone (= a small number, 5-6, not important). From 14.20-19.00. Almost as good as noone (=still a small number, more than 5-6, still not important). As the clock strikes 14.00, though, I slowly see big groups of tourists coming towards the office. They are sneaking in from different directions, all aiming in for the very same door.

Now, the number that came in probably does not sound much for.. well, anyone. But this office is not big, and neither is the town...nor my ability to talk to 10 people (or more) at the same time. I can promise you that it is not easy to try to give directions to a German (in German, a challenge in itself), reccomend a trip for a Dutchman, tell a Swede where she can eat trout, and order a hotel for a British dude at the very same time - and next to that trying to stop some tourists of an unknown species from picking up everything that is NOT free in the office and bring it home to their unknown territory. (Characteristics for this rare species: anatomy is equal to human, clothing not - but their ability to put on clothes takes them from the monkeyworld to the humanworld. They are protective over their haul, and their battlecry is "Gratis, gratis!". Often seen with big backpacks on their back, and usually their face holds a shade of red. They often operate in groups, you rarely see them alone.). It is extremely stressfull, like in.. very extremely. Believe me!

At least it wasn't a single tourist so far today, and my workday is 5 hours opposed to 10. If there should be an invasion at 14.00 again, then it's not on my shift, wuhuu! Please send all the warm thoughts you have to Eva, though. She must be strong to manage this.

Damn, done with the blog. Guess I have to go back to the boredom that is work. Hm, I hope the DS aint empty for batteries.

Todays half random PS, but half not:

Can someone please come here and kill the damn fly that's partly killing me cause it is so damn annoying?Rather touristinvasion then having this one fly in my ears, in my food, in my feet, on the pc screen, in the lamp and in the window. It's sounds are so annoying, it sounds like a damn harvester - like really. Can you tell me what use a flying harvester that doesn't do anything but being annoying and walking in cowshit has? I don't see any. Kill it, kill iiiitt!

By the way, this bastard, he's so damn sly! The only times I do not hear his sounds is when he's sneaking into my bag of food. Of course I remove him, and oooon he goes. Like a harvester. GRHML.

GOODbye now, foor good. Really! Have a lovely day!

Trolldis and Tourists: 2 hours down, 8 to go

So I started my new work, at the local touristinformation. I'm not actually living in a huge city, so you can imagine it gets kind of dead at times. With "at times" I mean 90% of the time, minimum. Maybe 95%.. Ok, let's say 99%.

So far I was taught up in the work, that took five hours, and I had a 3 hour shift. Out from that I'm supposing that the 10 hour shift I'm now in will look something like this.

09.00 -> Coming to work
10.00 -> Writing a blog
11.00 -> Posting a blog
11.20 -> The first tourist
11.22 -> The first tourist leaves
11.30 -> Wuhu! iPod gaming!
12.00 -> iPod is running empty on battery
12.02 -> No more iPod gaming available.
12.04 -> Wuhu! Magazines!
13.00 -> Soon running out of magazines
13.02 -> Nothing more to read.
14.00 -> The second tourist
14.02 -> The second tourist leaves
14.30 -> Trolldis is not far from dying of boredom
15.00 -> Even closer to dying of boredom
15.02 -> Start sms-spamming people
15.20 -> Dead battery on cellphone
15.21 -> Trolldis starts counting cars
15.59 -> The 10th car passes. It's a tourist.
16.00 -> Third tourist
16.01 -> Third tourist leaves
16.02 -> Trolldis watches clock in desperation
16.03 -> Trolldis wishes the clock went faster
16.03 -> "IT MUST HAVE GONE TEN MINUTES ALREADY?!"
16.05 -> Trolldis covers the clock with postits
16.15 -> Fourth tourist
16.19 -> Fourth tourist leaves
16.20 -> "WHAT DESTINY IS THIS!?"
16.21 -> "Whee? I brought the Nintendo DS?!"
16.30 -> Trolldis beats her boyfriends highscores
17.30 -> Trolldis' boyfriend no longer hold any highscores
18.30 -> Trolldis rawks in tha Super Mario world
18.45 -> Game is fulfilled
18.59 -> Trolldis smells freedom.
19.00 -> FREEDOM!

Exaggerating a little? Just a tiny bit? Might be - but work is (coxie style) bo-ho-ho-ho-hooo-ring.

Luckily I get entertainment sometimes with some weird tourists. This lil' story/dialogue/whatever is about an interesting Finn with one and a half arm dressed in something that looks like bavarian lederhosen. He was one of the dudes who spiced up my first day at work.

Here is the convo.

Me: Hello, may I help you?
Him: Nice t-shirt! Nightwish, I'm from Finland myself!
Me: Oh, cool.
Him: Yes.. I want to know what I can do around here.
Me: Hum, we always have glacierwalks.
Him: Yes?
Me: Yes, on a glacier nearby, it is very popular among tourists, and everyone we sent up there had a great deal of fun.
Him: Yes?
Me: Yes.. Is this interesting for you?
Him: Nje, I don't have that much time. Do you have something else? Churches?
Me: Yes, there are three churches nearby, there's Helgheim, approximatley 5 minutes from here, there's Ålhus approximatley 15 minutes from here, and there's Vassenden around.. 25 minutes from here.
Him: Yeah, nevermind about that. You need to give me something to write on.
Me: Øh, yeah, sure
I hand the Finn an a4 paper..
Him: *Talking unclearly* (I hear the word 'size')
I thought it was to small, so I handed him a second paper..
Him: Noo, something smaller.
I give him a post-it.
The Finn writes down multiple links.
Him: These links you have to visit. It is totally free, free yoga.
Me: Aha?
Him: Yes, it is really good sites.
The Finn starts taking lots tape from the tape dispenser, hanging it on his arm. The half one.
Him: I'm just going to go hang up some posters now.
Me: Eh, ok?
Him: Bye!
The Finn leaves
Me: Bye!

I guess I don't need any further comments to this, I dare to say that the dialogue speaks for itself.

In my long lasting and very serious (hemhem) career as a touristinformationofficeworker (damn, wish I could stick another word in there too) I have learnt this about myself:

I hate taking payment for letting people use the loo. HATE, like in intensely. Maybe I hate it more than snobs and aspargus?

Well, I better get back to work (fun that writing this blog is the most productive thing I've done the whole time I've worked here, pahahaha)

EDIT:
Very fun fact. At least least it's a bit fun... But I find it very fun.. But then I'm me, and you're you, and my humor might not actually match your humor, at least not perfectly.. Whatever, it doesn't really matter, here's the at-least-a-bit-fun fact:

The first tourist came exactly at 11.20 and left exactly at 11.22. Check my previous timetable. HAH. It is cool, you cannot argue! :D

5 things the world would be better without

1) Wasps.

Why are they even here? All they inflict upon me is pain, anger and fear. They made me loose a toenail, they made me lose lots of important knowledge with flying over my head during lessons. They just inflict SHIT, please go somewhere and die all of you. You are monsters.

2) Killswitch Engage, and bands like it.

Killswitch Engage was close me two times in my life, both of the times I got so incredibly pissed off cause it sucked so much, what's their thing? Their image makes me want to puke - much - all over. It goes something like "we are the most tr00 fucking band in the whole fucking world".

There's two things about that makes me sick.
* The whole deal about being "true", so pathetic it hurts.
* The fact that if "true" was an expression I'd be used so far, far, FAR away form this tragical band as it is possible.

I don't like using the expression "emo", but ok, you know what I mean. During one of their concert, that a friend of mine absolutely wanted to be at, I had to listen to that shit for an hour - I saw red.

What they itroduced a song with was "ooh, where's all the fucking emos? They are probably at the toilet cutting themselves, but that's ok, cause we don't want no fucking emos on our concert, all the people here are true fucking heavy metal people!"

- Wake up mr singer-in-a-shit-band, 90% of your fans are emos? Your music is emo, your fucking image is emo. Your so called music does appeal mostly to emos - and here you go - asking 90% of your fans to litterally fuck off - and yourselves as well - GREAT WORK!

Another thing that made me so angry, and so provoked, sick ++ was your lil talk starting like this: "I'm gonna dedicate this song to all the big, fat, juicy pussys out there". Aint you just loving how it sounds? I don't - it disgusts me. Assholes!

Oj, this was too long. NEXT:

3) Homophobes

Why do you even care what the people around you does? Why do you even care if your neighbour likes fucking men?

Why is it wrong to love people of your same sex? Why is it your buissness who people love? WHY?

4) Sleet

Snow = Wet shit
Rain = Heavy shit
Sleet = Wet shit + heavy shit

What do you get when you mix this wet shit with hellofalot water? You get HELL, and not even a warm hell so you can get a nice lil' tan, nope. Maybe your toes change color, though...

It is nothing worse than going around in sleet up til your knees. it's heavy, it's wet, it's cold. Your toesies gets in pain - toesies are sensitive. The rest of you get cold, you get inflicted by this, you get angry, you do bad in school, you quit school, you become a junkie, your relatives won't talk to you, you die lonely and alone DROWNING in the friggin' sleet cause you're a homeless, poor bastard. Worst case scenario: You drown in the sleet.

WHY can't the weathergods decide whether they wanna drown us in snow or rain? Why do they have to send more shit at us at once? Sadistic bastards.

5) Snobs

Yep, then particularly sportssnobs - not sportspeople - just the snobby ones of them. Yeh know, the type that belives they are so goddamn cool? That look down on everything and everyone always? That use way too much perfume, and use every oportunity they get to show their muscles?

I say no more.

10 things you should not do...

This is for the people who out there who understands German, even though you can probably get the fun it some of it even though you don't understand what they are saying... Enjoy : D

10 things you should not do...

...when you are at the mens room:



...at your first day at your new work:



...when you are in the elevator:



... when you get caught cheating:



I laughed. Hard. Have fun : D

Music Box: Primordial

Primordial is an absolutely awesome band. If you're looking for intense and atmospheric metal, then your searching can end about here.

Primordial started out as black metal, with their demo 'Dark Romanticism'. In 1995 they gave out their debut, 'Imrama'. They recieved criticism for having a sound with melodic black metal influences - especially with the use of mandolin and flute. In the albums after that they have played music that is some kind of mix between black metal, celtic metal and folk metal - a sound that suits them perfectly.

I suck at putting genres at thing, actually, so sorry if I'm wrong. What I do know that intensity reaches the top with this band. I get chills down my back, I get goosebumps, and my tummy fills up with butterflies. Gallows Hymn gives this to me everytime I listen to it, every single time! It's so damn great.



The song I just showed is from the album 'To The Nameless Dead', their newest one from 2007. This cd is a true, true masterpiece. From start to end, I can sit there just listening to it, enjoying it, when doing absolutely nothing else - it is not many albums I can say that about.

Every single album Primordial gave out is good. Every album has something I love, and something that is worth listening to. Maybe 'The Gathering Wilderness' album is my second favourite, with great songs like The Coffin Ships and The Gathering Wilderness. 'Spirit the Earth Aflame' have got the awesome song Gods to the Godless. (many of the songs I've mentioned now will be shown later in this blog)

Primordial doesn't only make the best music you can find, they also hold the best damn concerts. Personally I saw them 3 times now, and everytime I saw them it was so intense I could not think about other things than them for weeks. The first concert with them I remember very good, it was at the Hove festival last year. And it is the best concert I attended ever (and when I attended around 100 concerts, that does mean something!). Luckily this concert was filmed, so I had lots and lots of pleasure with it in later times also. I'm gonna link you to a playlist on youtube having the full concert of that. It's really worth seing! Empire Falls, Gallows Hymn, As Rome Burns, The Coffin Ships, Gods to the Godless and Heathen Tribes - enjoy!



I can't describe Primordial in a small shit blog. You're really missing out if you don't know them, and if you are of the type that likes this kind of music. (actually you're missing out anyway! : D I hope I got someone to like it.

Now I argued so much with blogspot during this blog, that I'm gonna go ahead and just post this even though I could write much, much more :P Buy their cds! See their concerts!


This is my third post in my series Music Box where I reccomend and write about good music. I previously wrote about Fjoergyn and Arcturus.